Insomnia has been chasing me around for the last week or so. I decided to attempt to ignore it by either getting shitfaced, sleeping at John's, putting on a movie, late night phone dialing or sleeping with the lights on. Some bizarre combo of all of these usually results in a few hours during the quiet night where I can sort of forget that my grandfather died last week and sort of get a few hours of sleep. Last Monday in a session of late night phone dialing I ended up sobbing hysterically on the phone to several people in an especially fucked up game wherein I become this insanely emotionally needy person and need the support of multiple people to get me back to base. Although I realize, when you are in pain and especially feeling the pain of loss it is perfectly acceptable to reach out to others for support, I hate feeling like I can't keep it together and especially allowing other people to see that. Enough. Today I've been awake since about 7:00AM and it's now about 5:00AM. Long day, can't sleep. Same story, different shit.
