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(my great grandmother Mc Andrews holding my grandmother)

I'm in one of those sort of restless moods lately. They happen to me every once in a while where I feel the compulsive need to re-arrange my furniture or cut my hair or get another piercing or get a tattoo or drop out of school or move across the country or make something or go visit my parents or etc., etc., etc. I have no idea why. I just crave drastic change.

Usually when I've felt these impulses they've been directly connected to the depressions of my life. I've acted on them as a way to shake myself out of them an into a place of growth instead of stagnation or even worse, decline. I don't know why then, this time when I am actually happy I still crave a drastic upheaval. I'm not going to stress about it too much, but for now I think I'll try to satiate myself with the easiest of changes, like cutting my hair or maybe starting a painting. I think I may have solved my creative crisis of never being able to produce when I am not in a state of unrest.

On to something else... My grandparents are preparing to leave their home in Florida and move back to Western Pennsylvania. I am really excited about this as it puts them into a distance of driving rather than a plane ride. I am happy for Mom because she'll be closer to them. I worry about my grandparents though, mostly because I hear snippets from my mother about how apprehensive my grandma is about the move. It does mean that they will have to give up a large amount of space since they are moving from a home and into a condo. My grandma is convinced she won't be driving anymore and will have to regulate her live to living in a gigantic senior care facility. Although my grandparents are old, they've never felt that way to me. My grandma is constantly out and about doing different things, singing with different choirs and meeting with her friends from church.

The move (although it is somewhat premature) to an assisted living facility is really for the benefit of my grandfather who's struggle with his blood disorder is becoming more and more unpredictable. He was recently released from the hospital where he was for a few days after some bad results from his monthly blood testing. Although he is fine as he can be, it really bothered me. A few years ago he had a heart attack which was a blessing in that without having some sort of health crisis they would have never found his disorder, but was the first moment that I really had to deal with their mortality. My grandfather and I share the same birthday and we have always been really close. Through all of my ups and downs he was one of the few people who I felt never judged me. Every time I speak to him he tells me how proud he is of me and how much he loves me. The thought of losing him is a loss I don't think I am at all prepared to deal with and fortunately for now it is something I won't have to.