so to update...

I've had a really busy few weeks. Stressful, busy weeks. After Crapital Blues life just sort of took off full speed ahead and jumping back into school, while a blessing in many cases has been a harsh reality check regarding the atrophy of my brain. Though with that being said, I've never been one for formal education and I've had to seriously evaluate my ability to force myself to conform into a system that I'd really rather not be bothered with or felt that comfortable in. It is what will be best for me in the end and I'll have to perpetually remind myself that it is just an means to an end.
... And I am eternally grateful for friends that take me out to remind me every once and a while what a good time is.


Kate will be moving soon to California and while I am incredibly happy for her and I think it will be amazing yadda yadda yadda, it bums me out to no end. It's somewhat irrational how sad this is making me considering we haven't lived in the same city for over 5 years, but knowing she will not be within driving distance and that I will have to factor in a time zone difference makes it feel so much further away. I know I'll go visit, but it just seems so so so far. Thinking about it tonight I just became so overwhelmed that I broke down and began to cry. I know I am being irrational and selfish, but Kate is someone whom I value and admire as a person and a friend very much and I will miss her a great deal. Meh! I miss her already and she isn't even gone!

Julia's grandmother passed away recently and while I had not the pleasure of her company for the past year or so, she was an awesome person whose quick wit and huge heart will certainly be missed. Spending time with her, it was easy to see where Julia gets her grace, unending compassion and spirit. I wish I could have been at her funeral to pay my respects and be with Julia, unfortunately school did not permit.

In other news, I think my time at "The Fox" will be over soon. All of my favorite people are leaving the store and there really isn't any motivation (aside from free coffee of course) to want to stay except my overwhelming sense of duty and work ethic. I just feel bad bailing knowing the mess they are in. Plus I need the money, like woah.

To end on a funnier note: Tonight after getting off the metro and waiting for my bus in downtown DC around 10:30PM or so I was approached by a man who kept screaming at the top of his lungs that I was the person who killed his sister. Aside from scaring the shit out of me, he was also peeing and expelling some shit of his own nearby. The Po showed up soon after and for the most part the commotion died down and by that I mean the crazy left. And as the last strains of "THAT BITCH KILLED MY SISTER!" faded into the night air a herd of Spanish speaking midgets trundled past me. Yes, you read that right, a herd. Only in DC.

crotch lead...

Capital Blues has come and gone and again I'm left with the same taste of gross left in my mouth about blues themed events. I can't fault the organizers of this event for their impeccable choice in teachers or music, though I wouldn't qualify Barbra Morrison as blues she was simply amazing. My discontent lies with the behavior that has come to be standard fare at these events. Being from a scene where the dancing has a very distinct sexual undertone, I feel somewhat hypocritical judging others for similar behavior, however; you can't argue that at least the Pittsburghers have style. I would have been happy to at least see the same level of style or musicality present in the endless barrage of crotch leads and beaver clamps I witnessed this weekend, though simply put, I was not so lucky.

I mean, seriously, "micro blues" (what a retarded exercise in semantics) to Barbra Morrison? To a song over 170 beats per minute? What is the point? If I am recalling what Charlie and Heidi teach correctly, that isn't part of their curriculum. I also find the whole concept somewhat contradictory to the exuberance of blues music in addition to finding it somewhat limiting. It has its time and place, none of which are in a brightly lit, vastly open and very crowded ballroom. I know several teachers are out to change how blues dancing is approached and I commend them for it, though I can't help but feel it is an uphill battle. As long as people feel it is acceptable, they will still probably rub their crotch on you.
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In other much more personal news...

My motto has become: repair, rebuild, reflect. At the end of the day my life isn't over and I'm happy enough, though still rather disappointed in the turn of events. All I can do is trust in honesty, accept the truth as I know it and look forward to what is waiting in store.

[insert more nebulous rambling about it here...]

snippets...

"I walked a mile with pleasure;

she chatted all the way,

but she left me none the wiser for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow,

and not one word said she,

but oh the things I learned that day,

when sorrow walked with me."

(not sure who authored the above, but my money is on Dickinson)

I swear, my mother is more emo than me. She sent me that verse tonight in an email and told me that it made her think of me. Not sure what that means, other than she thinks I am a depressed lunatic who likes to walk. Which I suppose at this point isn't too far off from the truth.

She actually told me that she hoped it would cause me to be reflective. Little does she know all I do is reflect, reflect, reflect...


Also my father passed on this snippet or "truism" as he likes to call them:

"If you wait until 'the perfect time' comes along, you'll be waiting forever. No time is ever going to be a good time for a relationship, but having the other person in your life is usually more important than that."

Well, gee. Thanks Dad, I needed that... ugh. I agree with him completely; however, it isn't up to me and I can certainly sympathize with the other half of this situation as well.

Oh well, c'est la vie.