70 x 7

It just irritates me and I don't know why I bother to continue to let it. It is obvious to me that you have a skewed view on what happened and why and while that irritates me what irritates me more is that you have some how convinced yourself that it is the truth and that you have done no wrong when that isn't really how things played out. And furthermore the truths you convince yourself of you did so for the express purpose of hurting me.

You can not say that "I played you like every other worthless relationship I've ever had that have all ended the same." I can honestly say, that NONE of my relationships have ended the way ours did. Perhaps you would like to confer with the four people I dated before you but I don't think any of them would say that they deliberately started hanging out with people for the express purpose of making me jealous and then playing us off each other for their own amusement all while cheating on me emotionally and physically and accusing me of horrible acts and begging me for sex. Nope, you are a whole new kind of asshole in my life, congratulations. Oh, and yeah... I'm SUCH a player, clearly you know me SO well. Who played who here? Were I playing a game, I don't think it would have ended with my boyfriend doing all the aforementioned. Spencer for all of his faults broke up with me in the way that he thought would be best for me.

And you let your car break down? How does that work exactly? You did lose your job after that 20 days (21 actually, but who's counting) but if you recall, that happened because you DID NOT CALL THEM until it was way way way too late to do anything about it, despite the fact that I asked you several times because I was worried excessively about it and you acted like you couldn't have cared less. If you also recall I also lost out on that one, but no, I don't blame you for causing me to drop out of school, I don't blame you for anything so fuck you and fuck your scapegoat theory. And as for you line about getting shit for my parents, they sent you an email where they expressed a small measure of uneasiness at our cohabitation for 21 days. Yeah they dumped on you SOO much when they told me that they thought highly of you and that they liked you and when they invited you over for dinner. Also I wasn't aware that my offers to pay for your gas and your food while you were visiting was such a hassle for you that you needed to bitch about your visits to DC.

All of this woe is me bullshit, it just re-enforces your selfish nature. It's glaringly obvious that you are unable to see beyond yourself. What you call selflessness on behalf of Nicole is really you selfishly holding on to possibility. The easy way out is to continue to scrape by doing what you are doing. The hard way out is to try and advance your situation by the means you have at your disposal. If you are not looking for something better and if you are not trying to advance your marketability within the job force you are not doing the hard thing. From time to time we all need to be a little selfish, there is nothing wrong with that, but when you fail to see beyond yourself at all, you fail to be able to really love, because love requires more than just superficial sacrifices. And placing everything you have emotionally into a relationship because it is the only thing you have going for you is selfish too. That is a lesson I learned long before you came around. Remember when Noni told you that the "other half" theory was bullshit and that you needed to look for another whole? She had it right.

I don't even have to wonder if this will make you upset or not. I know that the answer will be yes, but you should figure out what makes you more upset, that I bothered to contact you at all about this or that there is some measure of truth to what I am saying.